I’m usually the shortest one in the room. Right now, I am standing at 5’2, well closer to 5’1 and 1/2, but I round-up on my Tinder profile to 5’2. Sorry about catfishing you, ladies. I got, and still get, A LOT of grief for being short. I can’t even count the number of times I was called midget, or people would blatantly call me out on being short like it was something I could control. And don’t even get me started on the small spaces people would want to put me in, or how many times I was asked if I shopped at baby Gap, and all the cheap clothes I got from shopping in the kids’ section. I mean they weren’t wrong, I got some GREAT deals. It was very tough at times, especially since I love sports. I was barely up to most people’s hips while playing sports. Every time I would step onto the court, soccer, or football field (yeah, I played football and you better believe I was coming after your ankles) I would hear the crowd laughing and see all of them pointing at me like I was a circus act of some sort. I persevered and let all the noise surrounding me fall by the wayside. I was doing what I loved to do even if I didn’t have the stereotyped right “tools”.
I began to notice a pattern from those who usually picked on me. The bully usually had something going on in their own lives that they weren’t comfortable with, whether that was their body image, bad parents, harmful environments, etc. They needed to take out their anger and frustration and saw me as an easy target to use. Noticing this, I learned empathy very early and didn’t let their words affect me. I countered their verbal abuse by showing love and compassion because I knew that they were struggling. I saw their pain and wanted to alleviate it by not firing a harmful comment back their way, but by trying to be their friend and acknowledging they were right, I was very short.
[Add On From The Previous Blog: Once you have genuinely trained your brain to love every single flaw about yourself, then there will be no such thing as a bully because whatever attempts to make fun of you, you laugh along with them because you are so comfortable in your skin. Also, who gives a fudge brownie what other people think of you. Keep that fudge brownie because brownies are good af!]
Looking back on that strategy, I have it in my head that them seeing me being comfortable with my own body allowed them to start being comfortable with who they were on a very small level. Although the people who are bullies because of childhood trauma, that is a whole another level that should be treated with therapy. Side Note: I believe that therapy should be something that everyone tries out whether you have had traumatic experiences or not. Being able to talk out what is circulating in your brain is huge because otherwise you just keep those recurring thoughts in there, and after a certain time those thoughts turn into “lashing out” situations. If not therapy, then at least put your thoughts on paper by journaling.
This is an excerpt from Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Keith Johnstone that I think is an exceptional way to deal with bullying.
“I give students a very strong feeling of ‘status’ by making them use only the way they look and sound to ward off attacks. I call it the ‘non-defence’, but really it’s one of the best of all defences. Imagine two siblings, one of whom (A) lives in the flat of the other (B). B enters and asks if any letters have arrived for him. A says that there is one on the sideboard. B picks it up and sees it’s been opened. A is always opening B’s letters which causes conflict between them. The scene will probably develop something like this:
B: Why did you open my letters?
A: Is it open?
B: You always open my letters.
A: I don’t know who did it.
B: No one else has been here!
I start the scene again, but tell A that he is to admit everything while playing low status.
B: Did you open my letter?
A: Yes.
B stops the attack. He pauses.
B: Yes?
A: Yes.
B: Well, what did you do it for?
A: I wanted to see what was inside.
B: How dare you open my letters?
A: You’re right to be angry. I’m a shit.
B: I told you never to open my letters.
A: I always do it.
B: You do?
B: Well, don’t open them again.
A: I poke my nose into everything. “
I love the second scene because no matter how much the higher status (bullies) attempt to attack, they are met with resistance, which in this case is the lower status sibling displaying honesty. This works exceptionally well with bullies or people who think they are of higher status. These types of people feed off of people who aren’t comfortable with being of low status, or themselves, which can be noticed in the first scene before the sibling admits to everything. This is also a great tactic to use for those of you who are in the food industry. Stay strong restaurant workers!
Bullies are always going to be there no matter where you are at in life. To me, you get to decide on what part of society you want to be in. The one that displays love, compassion, and empathy or the side that veers towards always leading with judgment and having something to say about a person because you aren’t comfortable with who you are inside and out. I think judgment and negative talk of others is stemmed from jealousy or fear. When you have these thoughts of another person ask yourself why these are popping into your head. It will most likely because you are jealous of that person or scared of becoming that person.
From my point of view, love, compassion, and empathy always win and that only comes from self-awareness!
Recommended Materials:
This YouTube video is a perfect explanation of the excerpt I mentioned from Impro. For those of you who are still in high school, I HIGHLY recommend watching this video.
Read:
How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
**An exceptional book that stands the test of time. Hint: always be looking out for books that are really old, and are still relevant today. These will be some of the best books!