T W E N T Y O N E

OVERCOMING FEAR AND YOUR EMOTIONS

I’ve always been scared of a lot of things. Growing up, I would always sneak into my parent’s room and just sleep on the cold hardwood floor to feel at ease. I would be super quiet because if I woke my dad up, he would send me right back downstairs. If I woke my mom up, she would give me an extra blanket or pillow.

My execution went like this; I would open their door and make sure I could hear my dad snoring, my mom snores too, but hers wasn’t as distinguished. Once I heard papa bear snoring, I would tiptoe up the stairs and walk on only the floorboards that didn’t creak. I would lay down my one blanket and pillow and roll myself up like a burrito. 

I’m not sure what I was terrified of, maybe the monster under the bed, the dark, bad dreams; I don’t remember. I do remember one specific night, though. I was probably in the 10-12 age range, and I snuck up to my parent’s room to make my usual bed next to theirs on the floor, thinking I had made it up there without any noise, but my dad’s snoring stopped as soon as I was on the final roll of my burrito blanket. Uh-oh. He hopped out of bed, dragged me downstairs, and threw me outside in the dark. He locked the door and screamed from inside the house, “there is nothing to be afraid of.” I could barely hear him through my hysterical crying, but after about five minutes, I started settling down and finally relaxed. 

Later on, in life, I slowly emerged from my turtle shell that had the word fear tattooed upon it. I began to put the fear in God’s hands. Whenever I was in a position where I felt scared or anxious, I would remind myself that God is watching over me and whatever happens is what he already planned out, and it was out of my control. That helped a lot, especially when I would walk at night in some sketchy areas; many of my adventures put me in that type of scenario.

Finding Where Fear Resides

Trusting God worked well, and I still use that to this day, but I also added another component that I credit to self-awareness. It doesn’t incorporate the religious aspect either. It’s straightforward and goes like this. If you feel fear or anxiety, then what you do is acknowledge that fear/anxiety. Identify precisely where that feeling is in your body, and you talk to it like it’s its own person.

My interactions usually go like this, “I say thank you anxiety/fear for being here. I appreciate what you are doing in trying to keep me safe and protected. I will continue with this activity because I believe it will create growth for not only you but the rest of the emotions within me. You can relax for now.” By doing this, all of a sudden, that anxiety feeling relaxes and resides within minutes. It’s really phenomenal.

I’ve recently just started experimenting with this tactic, and I have been impressed with the results. I’ve only used it with fear and anxiety so far, but I believe with any of the emotions you have within a day, this can be an effective solution to lowering the levels of that emotion. I also recently discovered that this technique is similar to a type of therapy called IFS. Tim Ferris interviews Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS therapy, and I would highly suggest giving it a listen. It is episode 492 of the Tim Ferris Show. 

Mini Goals

If you are trying out something new that scares you, implementing mini goals is a great strategy to overcome fear and accomplish what you really want. Most of the fear that’s in our brain is imaginary. Remember, the body knows what to do in a real life or death situation. 

Stage fright is a made-up concept by society. According to Merriam-Webster.com, the first known use of stage fright was in 1876. Since then, it has become a phobia. When we attach a meaning to a phrase or word, it often amplifies the correlating emotion much more. Remember, where your focus goes, your energy flows. 

I love being a performer in some capacity or another, and I remember my dad taking me to an audition at the local university when I was probably 15. We got to the theatre, and I went backstage, seeing all the props used from previous productions. I walked through the drop curtains, and there was a single light shining on the center of the stage. I stepped into the light with my dad by my side, and three people were staring in silence directly at me. They asked me to read the script that was provided, but I couldn’t do it. I froze up. I told my dad I wanted to leave, and that was that. My acting career was over before it even began. 

Fast forward 14 years, and I see auditions for a play at another theatre in a different city. The thought of acting kept popping into my head over the years since my initial stage fright, so I knew I had to at least scratch the itch to see what it’s like. I told myself I was going to do it. 

Telling yourself, you’re going to go through with something and rely only on sheer willpower is a fool’s game. Instead, you need an action plan. That’s where mini-goals come into play. My goal was to audition for the play. I knew I had nothing to lose, and this was going to create new experiences and growth for myself, yet when it came time for the audition, I struggled to leave my house. I froze again. 

Luckily, from prior knowledge, I started breaking down the goal. I told myself instead of auditioning. I can go and volunteer my time and be a part of the lighting team. I created options, my personality style loves options, and that started the thawing process. 

Then I told myself just to go and get into your car. That’s it. So I left my house and got into my car. After that, I gave myself a mental win and then proceeded to the next goal: driving to the theatre—another mental win. I was sitting in my car outside the theatre, and the nerves started kicking into full gear.

I told myself the next mini-goal was to go inside and get a feel for the situation, don’t even think about auditioning, just get a feel for the environment. I walk inside and get comfortable in the environment. I start talking to the other actors, which is where my natural abilities begin to shine. I don’t have to set another mini-goal because once I’m in the theatre, my brain decides that I may as well audition since I’m already here. 

I pick up a script and start reading over the lines. The negative thoughts start a kamikaze mission in my brain while waiting for the director’s assistant to call my name. This situation is where all the prior mindfulness work comes in extremely useful. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, reminding them that this is good for the mind, body, and soul. Practice breathing techniques, and tell yourself that even if it doesn’t work out, you gain growth in the process, and you get to dispose of this item from your brain if it’s not something you enjoy. 

If there is something that constantly runs around in your brain, try it. You just found something that you love to do in the best-case scenario, worst-case scenario, you lived. Get your physical body to the scenario by using mini-goals, complete the action through your trained brain. 

Oh, and I got the part, of course. 

T W E N T Y T W O

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