THE SHORT ON BULLIES
Kindness is invincible, but only when it’s sincere, with no hypocrisy or faking. For what can even the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness and, if given the chance, you gently point out where they went wrong — right as they are trying to harm you?
– Marcus Aurelius
I’m usually the shortest one in the room. Right now, I am standing at 5’2, well closer to 5’1 and 1/2, but I round-up on my Tinder profile to 5’2. Sorry about catfishing you, ladies. I got, and still get, A LOT of grief for being short. I can’t even count the number of times I was called a midget, and people blatantly calling me out on being short like it was something I could control.
And don’t even get me started on the small spaces people would want to put me in, or how many times I got asked if I shopped at Baby Gap and all the cheap clothes I got from the kids’ section. I mean, they weren’t wrong; I got some GREAT deals.
It was very tough at times, especially since I love sports. I was barely up to most people’s hips while playing sports. Every time I would step onto the court, soccer, or football field (yeah, I played football, and you better believe I was coming after your ankles), I would hear the crowd laughing and see all of them pointing at me like I was a circus act of some sort. I persevered and let all the noise surrounding me fall by the wayside. I did what I loved to do even if I didn’t have the stereotyped right “tools.”
I began to notice a pattern from those who picked on me. The bully usually had something going on in their own lives that they weren’t comfortable with, whether it was their body image, bad parents, harmful environments, etc. They needed to take out their pain, anger, and frustration and saw me as an easy target to use.
Noticing this, I learned empathy at a very early age and didn’t let their words affect me. I countered their verbal abuse by showing love and compassion because I knew that they were struggling. I saw their pain and wanted to alleviate it by not firing a harmful comment back their way, but by trying to befriend them and acknowledging that they were right, I was very short.
In my opinion, people who are going through so much pain and misery in their lives don’t want to feel alone. They want everyone else to feel the same emotions they are feeling; they want to belong. I believe that is when the bullying occurs. They want to get a reaction out of people, which distracts them from their suffering.
Take online bullying, for instance; these bullies get to hide behind a computer screen and face almost no repercussions for their actions, such as a gentle throat punch. They THRIVE on getting reactions out of people, and you see people react with hate all the time. That’s what cyberbullies want.
Side Note: Stop arguing with people online! You are wasting your time! People don’t change because you have a brilliant counter-argument; they only change from other people’s actions, not words. Have you ever heard of the statement, “be the change you want to see”? That statement has more results when done through actions rather than words. You can tell yourself and the world that you are kind, but until you start acting kind, only then will people notice. Tim Ferris puts it perfectly when he said, “The world is changed by your example, not your opinion.”
Bullies are always going to be there no matter what stage of life you are in. You get to decide what part of society you want to be associated with, the side that displays love, compassion, and empathy, or the side that veers towards judgment and having something to say about a person because they aren’t comfortable with who they are inside and out.
I see judgment and negative talk of others as stemming from jealousy or fear. When you have these thoughts of another person, ask yourself why these are popping into your head. It will most likely be because you are jealous of that person or scared of becoming that person.
In the end, love, compassion, and empathy always win.
Bonus: This is an excerpt from the book Impro by Keith Johnstone, and I think it is a technique that can be very useful when faced with bullies. As I mentioned above, bullies have a lot of built-up pain and enjoy seeing others have the same pain as they do. With this technique, you take away the power from the bully by not showing the emotions that they were anticipating.
“I give students a very strong feeling of ‘status’ by making them use only the way they look and sound to ward off attacks. I call it the ‘non-defence’, but really it’s one of the best of all defences. Imagine two siblings, one of whom (A) lives in the flat of the other (B). B enters and asks if any letters have arrived for him. A says that there is one on the sideboard. B picks it up and sees it’s been opened. A is always opening B’s letters which causes conflict between them. The scene will probably develop something like this:
B: Why did you open my letters?
A: Is it open?
B: You always open my letters.
A: I don’t know who did it.
B: No one else has been here!
I start the scene again, but tell A that he is to admit everything while playing low status.
B: Did you open my letter?
A: Yes.
B stops the attack. He pauses.
B: Yes?
A: Yes.
B: Well, what did you do it for?
A: I wanted to see what was inside.
B: How dare you open my letters?
A: You’re right to be angry. I’m a shit.
B: I told you never to open my letters.
A: I always do it.
B: You do?
B: Well, don’t open them again.
A: I poke my nose into everything. “
I love this scene because no matter how much the higher status (bullies) attempt to attack, the bully meets resistance, which in this case, is the lower status sibling displaying honesty. Johnstone’s tactic works exceptionally well with bullies or people who think they are of higher status. These types of people feed off of those who aren’t comfortable with being low status. I suggest reading Impro because even though it is about theatre improvisation, much of what Johnstone talks about can apply to everyday scenarios. This is also a great tactic to use for those of you who are in the food industry. Stay strong!
Read:
Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Keith Johnstone
THE SHORT GUIDE TO 30