N I N E

HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE

You create your life, your stresses, and your emotions. 

Life

You have to accept responsibility for everything that is happening in your life at this very moment. Once you do that, it starts getting good. Like really good. For the longest time, I always blamed my career choice on other people. I blamed them for my misery. 

It wasn’t until I started reading books that I realized blaming someone else wouldn’t fix my situation. I had to accept that I made all my choices on my own and ended up in this situation because of them. When I took responsibility for my actions, I was able to make better decisions for the future that I envision for myself. 

It’s easy to say that the world has it out for you or play the woe is me card, but by using these exit strategies, where does it get you? It puts you behind everyone else that finds a way around the obstacle. The energy you expend on self-pity will be better used to find a solution to your problem. 

There is always a solution to everything. It may not appear right away and may take years, but keep looking for one, and it will always show its light. It’s not too late to change your mindset no matter your age because we are in a marathon, not a sprint.

You are where you are today because of all the choices you made in the past. You can be where you want to be tomorrow by the choices you make today. Remember, today’s you vs. yesterday’s you. 

Naval sums up accepting responsibility perfectly in The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: 

Stresses

There’s always something to worry about if you want something to worry about, beginning with society. Everything that society is teaching us about the standard way to live is stressful! We would be much happier living the life of hunters and gatherers. But since most people aren’t willing to live that life, you should at least become aware that what you see on social media, news, magazines, and hear word of mouth is creating more anxiety for you.

We created terms and labels to create more anxiety, such as Keeping Up With The Joneses. With so many new fake problems to worry about, you can’t appreciate how much better off we are as human beings than our ancestors. We should, however, look at some aspects of how our ancestors lived to lower our stress levels. 

One noticeable aspect was that they lived more of a minimalist lifestyle. Not by choice, obviously, but it’s one of those blessings in disguise situations. Having more stuff leads to more problems. One of my dad’s favorite sayings is “more money more problems,” and I never agreed with that saying. A more accurate expression is more money, more problems if you choose. He chose to continue adding to his house; he decided to buy more toys such as boats, trucks, campers–all things that can create problems. 

The same aspect goes hand in hand with choices. Having more options will lead to anxiety. Ultimately, you have to decide how much stress and anxiety you are willing to accept and build your life around that. Socrates said, “those who want the fewest things are nearest to the gods.” 

Emotions

In her book, How Emotions Are Made, Lisa Feldman Barrett states that your “emotions are not triggered; you create them.” Our emotions start during infancy and childhood. For example, if you are a kid and are having a tantrum, you often hear parents say, aww, Nancy, are you angry? With that repeated tantrum and response from your parents, along with other actions that your parents consider anger, you as a child begin to learn and distinguish the word anger. 

We all have perceived realities based on how we grew up. How one person sees reality and reacts to it won’t be identical to another person. Prior experiences create our realities. Lisa says that “emotions are not reactions to the world; they are your construction of the world.”

Proactive > reactive. Suppose we can approach our emotions, especially ones we want to change, with a proactive mindset in that we constantly analyze our emotions when they occur. In that case, we can either avoid those situations or know that a certain emotion will arise in that scenario and train ourselves to bring about a better emotion. Just like with being healthy, you don’t buy crappy food for your house and (usually) stay away from fast food. 

Lisa’s book shows just how much of our reality we create ourselves. So, in theory, what’s considered happiness will be different from person to person depending on their upbringing and what they learned to associate with happiness. With that information, this means that no one really knows what the key to happiness is. I don’t think there is universal happiness, only individual happiness. I also feel that happiness is just peace of mind in all situations. 

A lot of people, myself included, have made themselves miserable searching for this universal happiness. When all along, they have had it within themselves the entire time. This concept has brought me a lot of peace. 

If what Lisa talks about is true, then you can train your brain to associate everything with happiness, considering we already have neuroplastic brains, as I’ve mentioned before. 

For me, depression episodes still make an appearance, no matter how well I’m doing. The key for me is toning down its amplification through exercise (lifting weights), diet, meditation, and helping others.

I also don’t associate myself with depression. Anthony De Mello says, “You are not your depression. That is but a strange kind of trick of the mind, a strange kind of illusion. You have deluded yourself into thinking–though you are not aware of it–that you are your depression, that you are your anxiety. Don’t interfere. Don’t “fix” anything. Watch! Observe!” I acknowledge it’s there, but it doesn’t represent me as a person. Acknowledging and observing your negative emotions causes that emotion to dissipate quicker than if you were to mask that emotion. 

I was listening to Jay Shetty’s podcast, On Purpose, with Will Smith, and Will said, “the only thing that creates misery is you slip into a sort of hopelessness of not being able to figure it out.” Looking back on my low moments, I was trying to figure out a solution to a problem. The act of not being able to find a solution quickly causes built-up anxiety and tension. People have high expectations for their lives, which can be great if we also have the right mindset to go along with that expectation, such as patience.

Jay Shetty went on to say, “we’re programmed to believe that life is for enjoyment, but actually it’s for education.” Will followed up by adding that “life is school.” While I don’t necessarily agree with that statement, I believe that education can be enjoyed, but our school systems have done such a terrible job in combining enjoyment and education. I think Jay and Will’s mindset when facing problems can help ease the burdens that life splatters on your plate, lunch-lady style.

Let’s say you haven’t gotten that job promotion you’ve been wanting, that’s on you, and you need to figure out a solution to get that promotion, whether it’s creating new connections or learning more. If you can put the problem in the perspective of I have more to learn about this situation rather than sulking and feeling bad about yourself because of the problem, you level up.

The brain is so complex, and there is so much to learn about your brain. It’s a supercomputer. Understanding the ins and outs of your supercomputer is highly beneficial to how you interact with the world around you. We take the time to learn the ins and outs of our jobs and hobbies but don’t take the time to learn about ourselves. 

T E N

THE SHORT GUIDE TO 30